Single….. Again
The battle of the two sexes is probably one of the most
difficult I’ve come across in my 28 years of life.
When you’re already single or have been for a long time, the
fight can become easier. You know your enemy very well but aren’t emotionally
or financially invested in them. You can fob them off at a moment’s notice,
delete them from Facebook and twitter, unfollow on instagram and perhaps even lose
their phone number indefinitely.
Once you’ve crossed those enemy lines however and joined
forces with them, things can get very hazy. If you’re lucky enough to be in a
happy, secure relationship, good for you! And no need to read any further.
Recent years with my girlfriends have suggested not only is
the above a rare relationship, its duration is not always eternal. Now some of
you will say I’m being pessimistic and some of you will say I’m being prepared.
From the tender age of 14 I Iearnt one important factor
about being single….. Again
Revenge feels amazing!............ (Especially if you don’t mind
breaking the law)
I believe that women have the advantage in this fight… our
exes are sitting ducks thinking we are at home with the Kleenex and chocolates.
We are not.
One of my closest friends, whose name will remain a mystery,
was kind enough to show me how it’s done.
Our very first victim was a well deserving ex-boyfriend…. He
dumped her, he was a dick, and revenge was in order.
One late Saturday night our mission became apparent, give
his car (otherwise known as his baby) a makeover. So off we went (4 of us) to Coles
to purchase some weapons of mass destructions. Eggs, flour, and litres of
dishwashing liquid.
Cut to giggles and 4 girls dressed in black clothes sneaking
up to said victim’s property. With our array of weapons we let loose- throwing
eggs, pouring flour anywhere and everywhere and then squirting as much
dishwashing liquid on door handles and then just all over the place.
We raced back off to our getaway vehicle, adrenaline
rushing! Shit we must dispose of all this evidence. So we drive down a local
main street to dump the rubbish in the public bins (sure we will defame a vehicle
but we will not litter) Getting back in the car we congratulate ourselves …. Mission
complete, and boy did it feel good.
Just as we crack a celebratory can of coke (I was 14) we
notice something strange….. Ex-boyfriend pushing his “baby” complete with
current makeover towards the petrol station……..
Apparently he was out of fuel, and shit out of luck!!!!
Good Times,
Stay tuned more revenge to come xxx
